Rand Paul: Idolized By Tea Party As Palin With A Penis

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Dr. Rand Paul may be a skilled surgeon in the operating room, but on the national political stage he's nothing more then Sarah Palin with a penis. They are both Tea Party heros and when you think about it, just how difficult of a task is it to win these wingnuts over?

It's simple! - Just say the craziest shit you can think of and when you refer to the constitution or the founding fathers, do it in a way that makes it seem as if you were actually there when the fucking thing was written. You'll have thier complete and undivided attention. It's like walking through the dog pound with a pocket full of snausages.  Video after the jump

Like Sarah Palin, his national media interviews are a disaster. Not due to "gotcha" questions or a liberal media bias, but due to the simple fact that he doesn't know shit from shinola when it comes to what any national political candidate should know. In an interview with a Russian television station, he said that it is his belief that the United States should end its policy of guaranteeing citizenship to the children of illegal immigrants.

"We shouldn't provide an easy route to citizenship," Paul explained. "We're the only country that I know that allows people to come in illegally, have a baby, and then that baby becomes a citizen. And I think that should stop."

Paul went on to say that he supports local solutions to illegal immigration as protected by the 10th amendment which has absolutely nothing to do with children born in the United States to immigrant parents. The guaranteeing of citizenship to children of non-citizens is not a policy, but a constitutionl right under the 14th amendment that guarantees citizenship to all persons born in this country. What's ironic is that for a growing political movement that raps itself in the freedom and liberty provided under the constitution, they're the ones that would love to rewrite it the most.

The Supreme Court has revisited this issue time after time, in case after case, and the outcome is always the same. Citizenship is a jurisdictional birthright. If we start redistributing freedom and liberty by taking away the guarantee of citizenship from some people born in this country, while leaving that same right intact for other people born in this country, where will it stop? - My best guess is right back to where this nation was when only white men could sit on a jury, when slavery was legal, when women were chattle belonging to thier husbands.

You know? - The way it was back in the days of our founding fathers.

Just when you thought Rand Paul couldn't sound more kooky and Palinistic, he offers up a few bright ideas to curb illegal immigration.

"Millions crossing our border without our knowledge constitutes a clear threat to our nation's security. I will work to secure our borders immediately. My plans include an underground electric fence, with helicopter stations so they can respond quickly to breaches of the border."

WTF? - Underground electric fences, helicopter stations, really? - Either these helicopter stations will be spaced apart like mile markers on the highway, or Rand Paul has never seen a fucking map of the United States. Or it could be that like Sarah Palin, he too is a God Damn fucktard! - I think I'll just leave it at that before I end up saying something rude or offensive.

You're friend and fellow American,

- Chico Brisbane

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