Republican Party Has An Open Line Directly To God

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It seems that God has had a heavy hand in the recent dealings of the Republican Party. It is after all, God who wants South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford to remain as governor. This of course puts Mr. Sanford in the awkward position of not being able to resign even if he wanted to. I mean, he couldn’t exactly disobey the will of God, could he?

At the same time, Jenny Sanford is being a good Stepford Wife, which is the unspoken role of every republican wife. “Just shut the fuck up and follow the protocol bitch!” Hopefully after her husbands recent revelations about his mistress being his sole mate, Mrs. Sanford will be able to muster up what little dignity and self respect that she has left and kick this womanizing bastard to the curb.

If she stays with this man in a family unit, she can not only expect it to happen again later down the road, she can also expect her own sons to put their wives through the same humiliation that their father put her through. Not just once, but time and time again.

MRS SANFORD: You know what you need to do, so just do it! – Do it as easily as you husband proclaimed his love for another on live television.

On another twisted note, it seems that God has been speaking to another right wing whack job by the name of Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher — aka “Joe the Plumber” — said that he was considering a run for public office. “I’d be up for it,” he said. Excited fans even set up a “Draft Joe the Plumber” site. But in a new interview with WorldNetDaily, Wurzelbacher said that he now isn’t planning to run because God doesn’t want him to:

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.”
He continued, “I believe he’s gotten me on this grassroots movement. If I can encourage leaders to step up, that’s what I would like to do. That’s a heavy role. That’s something I don’t know if I am prepared to do yet.”

But Wurzelbacher said he would keep that door open if God ever calls him to be that leader.
Right now, Wurzelbacher is preparing to participate in the upcoming tea parties.

Sanford Puts Mistress Ahead Of Wife And Children In Apology

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Gov. Mark Sanford pictured above with the family that he obviously cares little about, admitted Wednesday he's been having an affair with a woman he visited on a secret trip to Argentina. What most in the media didn’t catch was that when Sanford tearfully ran down the list of the many people that he hurt, he put his mistress first even before his wife and children. He also said he'll resign as head of the Republican Governors Association, but of course not a peep about resigning as Governor. Yet again another republican so righteous about the sins of his collogues, but not willing to practice what they preach.

"I've let down a lot of people, that's the bottom line," Sanford said at a news conference. He said he's known the woman about eight years, but their relationship turned into something more a year ago while he was on an economic development trip to Argentina.

Sanford, a 49-year-old father of four, choked up during remarks to reporters. He said his wife has known about the affair for the last five months. Sanford revealed Wednesday morning that he'd gone to Argentina for a seven-day trip. For two days after reporters starting asking questions, his office had said he had gone hiking on the Appalachian Trial.
Meanwhile, first lady Jenny Sanford had told The Associated Press she did not know where her husband went for the Father's Day weekend.

First elected governor in 2002, the former real estate developer has more than year remaining in his second term and is barred by state law from running again. A former three-term congressman, Sanford most recently snared headlines for his unsuccessful fight to turn aside federal stimulus cash for his state's schools. His vocal battle against the Obama administration — and libertarian, small-government leanings — won praise from conservative pundits. Ultimately, a state court order required him to take the money.

Sanford's announcement came a day after another prominent Republican, Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, apologized to his GOP Senate colleagues after revealing last week that he had an affair with a campaign staffer and was resigning from the GOP leadership.

Sanford was born May 28, 1960, in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., the eldest of four siblings. He earned a bachelor's degree in business from Furman University in 1983 and a master's of business administration from the University of Virginia in 1988.

After working for a couple of years in the financial world in New York, he returned to South Carolina and said he was shaped by his summers working on the family plantation. He served in the U.S. House for three terms before honoring a term limits pledge and leaving office in 2001.

In 2002, he defeated incumbent Democrat Jim Hodges by 4 percentage points to become governor and won re-election in 2006, beating Democratic state Sen. Tommy Moore.

Needless to say, the private detective industry is going to have their hands full with the many republican wives suddenly in need of their services.

Chico Brisbane